


Daily Labours

by 1JakoftheMoon1



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:58:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1JakoftheMoon1/pseuds/1JakoftheMoon1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does a carapaced mobster and "parent" deal with on a day to day basis?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spades

 

Checklist from an Average Day in the Life of Spades Slick.

  1. Stab alarm clock.
  2. Go back to sleep until Droog starts calling every thirty seconds.
  3. Hide Terrier Fancy back under the bed.
  4. Check stomach wound to see if it bled out in the night.
  5. Admire scars.
  6. Shower.
  7. Go downstairs; eat something with meat in it.
  8. Get a drink.
  9. Go back upstairs, get dressed.
  10. Shuffle deck.
  11. Check for scotty dogs in hat and back up hats.
  12. Double check.
  13. Once more to be sure.
  14. Can’t be too careful.
  15. Don’t spend more than thirty minutes double checking.
  16. Wake up Karkat, tell him to eat and go to school.
  17. If he asks for a ride, tell him to go fuck himself.
  18. You don’t care if he’ll be two hours late, he can walk (note to self: wake up earlier so he doesn’t start screaming about it. Whiner.).
  19. Get a drink.
  20. Shake Karkat off of leg.
  21. Lock screaming Karkat in pantry, he can get himself out.
  22. Get another drink.
  23. Leave the house, drive over the casino. Circle around to the hideout in the back.
  24. Make sure Deuce isn’t on guard duty with the grenade launcher again. Proceed only if it’s Droog or Boxcars.
  25. Chew out Droog and/or Boxcars for being dumbass guards to let themselves be seen.
  26. If Droog tells you that’s what you told them to do when you couldn’t tell if Deuce was on guard duty or not, tell him to stuff it.
  27. If Deuce brought Sollux with him by accident, plant that kid’s ass in a corner and make sure he stays there. Edit: Tie him down. With weights. See if Boxcars can bring over some off his dumbells.
  28. If Droog brought Aradia over, let her do her thing. Edit: Express in no uncertain terms she should never untie Sollux. No matter how much candy he promises her.
  29. Double check to see if any events were planned for the day. Heists, recruitment, booze shopping, laundry, the regular biz.
  30. If there’s something, then fucking do it.
  31. If there’s nothing, stay at the Black Ace and make sure no one’s scummin’ money from under your nose.
  32. Get a drink.
  33. Have Boxcars deal with unruly customers.
  34. Make sure he doesn’t pull out one of those trashy romance novels when you’re lookin the other way. Can’t respect muscle with a soft heart.
  35. If Aradia asks a question, tell her to ask someone else.
  36. If she asks again, ignore her.
  37. Tell Droog he can’t bring her if she starts kicking you in the shins again.
  38. Go over financial shit with Droog. Bribes, sources of revenue, hostages, that kind of stuff.
  39. Plan for upcoming projects. Send Droog out to negotiate for supplies and whatever.
  40. Play dealer when bored. Nothing beats enchanted cards on a betting table.
  41. Drive over to other branching casinos if something comes up that requires your personal attention. Or make Droog do it.
  42. Periodically check if Sollux fiddled with the security system again.
  43. After the days over, head over to the Beta bar with your Crew for a drink and some mingling.
  44. Drop Sollux and Aradia back at Deuce and Droog’s places, respectively.
  45. Bring instruments in case there’s an opening on stage tonight. About the only place with a decent piano setup.
  46. Never stop to let Deuce check out something he just thought of. He’ll get lost. Or blow up the surrounding area up.
  47. Especially in a toy store.
  48. Or Home Depot.
  49. Never let Deuce find out about Home Depot.
  50. Walk into bar, see what they’ve got lined up for music tonight. Offer your services if the mood is right.
  51. Get a drink.
  52. Make sure everyone knows to keep Deuce away from the strong stuff.
  53. Mingle with the criminal thugs and mobsters that practically flock to the Beta. Exchange information, business deals and threats as necessary.
  54. Try not to stab anyone. The staff doesn’t take too kindly to unplanned violence. Check with them first if you feel like you might cause some trouble. They fine you double if you don’t.
  55. For the love of god don’t. Break. ANYTHING. No sane mobster wants the Betas breathing down their necks for repairs.
  56. Don’t even talk to the blonde chick. Fucking purple prose smart aleck bitch gets under your skin so much it makes you miss Snowman. Let Droog talk with her if he wants.
  57. If the night is right, jam to take the edge off.
  58. Make sure Egbert tuned the piano properly. He usually does, but instruments need careful attendance.
  59. Get a few more drinks.
  60. Finish up around 12:00, head home.
  61. Make sure Karkat got out of the pantry.
  62. If he’s awake, tell him to go to bed.
  63. Don’t wake him up tomorrow if he hid the goddamn remote again.
  64. Same if he hid the booze.
  65. Karkat touching your knives will earn him a lecture on the matters of the heart, the spade, birds, bees, fairy bulls or whatever the fuck trolls use as euphemisms, courtesy of Boxcars.  Explain in increasing detail until you can see the fear in his eyes.
  66. See if there’s a good movie on.
  67. Go to bed when you can’t open your eyes anymore.
  68. Check for scotty dogs one last time.
  69. Just a peak.
  70. You go to bed wondering if you might have a bit of an obsession here.
  71. Flip through Terrier Fancy if you feel up to it.
  72. Collapse from exhaustion.
  73. Repeat.




	2. Diamonds

The Average Sum of Daily Events in Diamond Droog’s Life.

 

1. Wake up 7:00 am sharp.

  

2. Call Slick so he knows to get his ass out of bed.

 

3. Making calls regularly every thirty seconds gets the job done.

 

4. Lock the Ladies in the chest under the bed.

 

5. Dress appropriately. Good apparel speaks volumes.

 

6. Shuffle deck.

 

7. Check hat and back up hats for swedish fish.

 

8. Check again, you might have missed one.

 

9. Resist urge to scrutinize swedish fish stores for thirty minutes.

 

10\. See if Aradia woke herself up yet (of course she did).

 

11\. Discuss and plan out your day together over breakfast.

 

12\. Drive over to the Black Ace after dropping Aradia off at school.

 

13\. If first to arrive, take up guard duty. Relive Deuce if by some miracle he remembered to arrive on schedule.

 

14\. Question the effectiveness of tutoring a moody psionic in a casino. Especially with Proffesor Clubs Deuce presiding.

 

15\. Confirm that Sollux has been restrained in some manner. His pleas for help are just confirmation that its keeping him away from the security room.

 

16\. Ask Boxcars how he’s doing when he arrives. Don’t converse for more than a minute, it gets tiresome.

 

17\. Guard the hideout in a way that lets Slick see you whenever he feels like showing up.

 

18\. Resist the urge to head butt Slick when he chews you out for letting him see you.

 

19\. Let Deuce take up sentry for the day before retreating to the office.

 

20\. Organize the crew’s finances, Heist plans and hit lists.

 

21\. Set up bounties for high profile targets outside of your current means to eliminate. Or, if you’d really just rather not bother doing it yourself.

 

22\. If Aradia sneaks into the hideout again, threaten to turn her into a card.  Then lock her in the game room for the day.

 

23\. Try to get Slick interested in actually managing his gang for once.

 

24\. Slick will probably make you drive around to the other casinos, despite something called electronic communication. Just do it.

 

25\. Check to se if a heist was planned for the day.

 

26\. Ring up some contacts for supplies regarding the next heist.

 

27\. If they don’t have the necessary materials, call the Alphas. They usually have the right stuff.

 

28\. Go on, call them.

 

29\. Its going to be the drunk one that picks up, isn’t it.

 

30\. God, it is.

 

31\. Get off the phone. Time for some illicit activity.

 

32\. Pull off the heist like clockwork. Start planning the next one.

 

33\. Call your contact in the Felt. A turf war between gangs in the middle of a robbery could be disastrous. Plan around whatever prizes catch their eye.

 

34\. Haggle down the price of the information.

 

35\. Remind your contact that Slick sees a thin line between useful employee and surplus baggage. Cough it up.

 

36\. He coughs it up.

 

37\. Watch Slick deal. Permit a smirk as entire tables empty their wallets.

 

38\. Pack it up for the day. Drop off Sollux and Aradia before going to the Beta bar.

 

39\. Let Slick mingle with the underworld crowd by himself. You have your way of managing things, and he has his. Trade notes later.

 

40\. Converse with the sober Lalonde. At least this one can sink her barbs with class.

 

41\. Stay out of any fights unless otherwise planned. Roughing up a bar owned by players would be almost as bad as tangling with the Felt. Almost.

 

42\. If the stage is empty, bring out the instruments and make some noise.

 

43\. In general, unwind for a bit.

 

44\. 12:00, time to go home. The Gray Ladies await.

 

45\. Sleep.

 

46\. Repeat, with some deviation.


End file.
